On Being a Man

I was honored to be asked by Jon Gordon to write a one-page letter to his son Cole, upon his 13th birthday this month, regarding what it means to be a man. My message follows....

Being a Man is about being love. If love is the single greatest commandment, and Christ is Love, then the qualities and characteristics described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 best describe how we as men should be. Not just act. Anyone can “act”. Being is a core-thing. Acting is a surface-thing. Surface stuff never holds when the storms of life hit. So at the core, being a man is about patience. It’s about knowing very often our timing won’t be God’s timing. That our prayers will always be answered, but not necessarily when or the way we want them.  Because God knows what we need, despite our insistence upon having what it is we want. Being a man is about checking your ego at the door, setting pride aside. Remembering what Phil 4:13 tells us – that it is through Christ, and not our own efforts, that we can do all things. It’s about giving Him the glory in both victory and defeat. You can tell more about a man in defeat than victory. Never forget that people will watch to see how you handle loss, and that in loss you will have an opportunity to demonstrate true faith and character.  A man is never jealous. A man is more focused upon what he has, as opposed to what he doesn’t have. He considers what he has both a blessing and a responsibility. A man realizes that to whom much is given, much is expected. A man never sacrifices or compromises the gifts he has been given.  A man maximizes these gifts to and for the benefit of others. He looks outward instead of inward, because he recognizes that it’s not about him. A man is not rude. A man understands that from a woman’s perspective, there is no greater compliment than to be called a gentleman - open doors, send flowers, be respectful, be polite, be kind. And smile. Realize and recognize that there is no such thing as anyone less or more important than you. Treat everyone you meet with the same dignity.  Be self-less. A man sets aside his own desires and needs for others but also recognizes the importance of investing in himself so that there is more of him for others. A man learns from his past but doesn’t stay there – he allows his experiences to refine him, but not define him. A man knows that God is in the recycling business and will use his pain for other’s gain. A man chooses his attitude. Daily. He recognizes that his attitude is a conscious choice, that he has an opportunity to impact others by being a light in what can often feel like a very dark world. A man seeks the truth in all things, and speaks and acts when he sees injustice. He understands that being a man is about responsibility and accountability. Both require doing. Finally, a man never ever gives up. He may give in when the situation requires, but he never gives up. He always keeps the faith, perseveres, and endures because he never forgets the promise of how it will all end.